The Wedding Blog

I’m excited about having a wedding…finally!

In the previous post you learned of how I began the journey from “I want to forget all this wedding nonsense” to “Oh yeah, this is all about celebrating US.” Well, today I am pleased to announce that I’ve made it to “I really want to have a wedding and I’m excited to plan it and can’t wait for it to come!” That’s a big change and it only happened yesterday. Let me explain.

Wednesday has always been the day when Darren and I get together; either he comes to St. Catharines or I go to Hamilton, but usually the former. However, since the Great Reception Hall Quest began, we’ve been making arrangements to visit potential halls on Wednesday nights (and Saturdays…pretty much anytime I could be in the city). So I rushed home from the ESL graduation ceremony to head to Hamilton to visit a couple of locations. The second was so scary that we didn’t even talk to anyone. The first was the same as everything else we’d seen up to that point except the guy was much friendlier and funnier than anyone else.

That experience convinced me that we had to take drastic measures. The timing was good…2 things had happened that day that started me reconsidering the whole wedding reception thing.

First, the valedictorian for the level 5 class (I am one of their 3 teachers) included in his speech that I was newly engaged and said he hoped he could come to the wedding “if there is an extra chair for [him].” My thought was that it’s not the chair, it’s the plate…but I just smiled.

Second, I was speaking with a coworker immediately after the ceremony - my usual complaint about halls and prices and dinners… if you’ve gotten married in the last little while, you’ll know what I’m talking about. She told me that she and her husband got married alone on a beach in the Bahamas, followed by an informal reception back in Canada. It sounded so fabulous! That started a thought process that continued as I drove to Hamilton.

For a few days Darren and I had been reconsidering the entire dance thing, thinking that we had removed from the list many of the people who would really enjoy that part of the evening. At $40. a plate (and that’s without alcohol!), we had had to reduce the list to only those who were either related to us or very, very good friends. Our families aren’t big partiers and a dance is not really fun if there are only 10 people participating. So we were thinking of alternate ways to spend the evening. But since there are few things to do in such an atmosphere but dance, we were stuck.

So I started thinking about what was important to me. I want to enjoy the evening with all the people I care about. I want to take some nice pictures with my family and bridal party. I want to have a nice ceremony in a church. But not necessarily in that order.

Here’s the solution I came up with: We push the wedding up to early evening. It’s a Friday night so people can finish their work days, grab some dinner and then come to the ceremony. It would be followed immediately (allowing half an hour for travel) by the reception and party! This reception would have an hors d’oeurves-type buffet, wedding cake, etc. but no formal dinner. That allows us to invite whomever we want (almost). In the afternoon when the weather is nice we can take our pictures and then the immediate family, bridal party and select guests (very, very select) can have a quiet dinner in a restaurant somewhere. It would look something like this:

2:00 photos
5:00 intimate dinner
7:30 ceremony
9:00 reception/party

It’s a little non-traditional, but it meets all the requirements and desires we have. It’s perfect! Now, to convince my boy.

As I said earlier, we had these appointments to see a couple of banquet halls that evening. In truth, I went only because they had been made. My heart wasn’t in it anymore, but I sure didn’t think Darren would agree to my plan.

I think Darren was frustrated, too. We simply can’t afford a typical wedding unless we reduce our guest list to the bare minimum. So, I took advantage of the disheartened state we were in and presented my idea over dinner. I was pleasantly surprised when his reaction was “that may work.” Usually I’d be disappointed with a semi-convinced response, but the words “That may work” made me happier than I’d been in weeks!

The more we talked about it, the more feasible and wonderful this arrangement seemed. And the more excited I became. In fact, last night I had a hard time getting to sleep because I was so excited about this wedding. You know what is the most exciting for me? I can now imagine getting a response from friends and rather than thinking “that’s 90 bucks out the window,” I can think “Hooray! They will be joining the party!” That is a complete change of heart.

Of course there are a lot of kinks in the plan to work out still, and we’re going to have to start all over with the hall search (with much different criteria this time) but the difference is that I want to do it now.

So if you get an invitation to a dinnerless reception, please understand that it’s because we want to celebrate with you without thinking about cost. We want to enjoy your company unhindered. Hooray!

You don’t have to be rich to have a wedding, but it sure helps!

It’s all very exciting to say you’re getting married, but it’s quite another thing to begin to plan the actual event. I was fortunate enough to select and order both my dress and the bridesmaid dresses the very day after Darren asked me to marry him, so that’s out of the way. But I’m beginning to think that was the best part and it’s all downhill planning-wise from here.

We’ve had to negotiate a number of things. The first is where to get married. Living in different cities and being unsure of where we will reside after the wedding, this wasn’t a cut-and-dried decision to make. We’re leaning toward the most convenient choice, which is Hamilton, but there are still a lot of factors that could potentially change that verdict.

There has also been much discussion about what type of reception to have. Since we’re looking at having the wedding on a long weekend, we’d prefer not to break up the weekend for our guests. Monday would work except that we don’t want people to have to worry about getting up early for work the next morning, so we’ve pretty much decided on a Friday evening wedding.

So we have been spending what limited time we have in the same city visiting various banquet halls and what limited free time we have at home checking out others on the Internet. All this searching has led me to the aforementioned conclusion: You don’t have to be rich to have a wedding, but it sure helps!

I’d like to think that we don’t have extravagant taste (you’d know that if you saw the basement apartments we each live in), but tasty food in a clean and pretty atmosphere is not negotiable.

We are lucky, though – by choosing a day other than Saturday, we can take advantage of the discounted price for the less-than-prime days that many halls/caterers offer. Even so, it still seems like a lot of money for a party.

I was almost at the point of deciding that it wasn’t worth it and that we should elope. I knew I’d come to this point, but I thought it would be much, much further into the process. However, an incredible thing happened this evening. As I was reading the package details from one of the halls’ websites, it all of a sudden hit me: I’m getting married. That girl in the big fancy dress dancing…that’s me! That room for the bride and groom to relax in while they wait for their guests to arrive…that’s for Darren and me!

It was some much-needed perspective. I had been thinking so much about the logistics of our life post-wedding (Where are we going to live? What are we going to do? Will we keep our jobs? etc.) that I’d forgotten to revel in the fact that I’ve found “him,” the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. Now that deserves a party!

While I’m still not willing to break the bank over this single event, I’ve decided to be more optimistic about finding the perfect place and enjoy each step along the way. After all, I’m only going to have to do this once!

Have you ever read a story about a couple of people and wondered to yourself what that same story would have sounded like if the other character had written it? Well, my friends, I am pleased to announce that all your wondering has paid off.

My fabulous fiance has finally gotten around to writing out his version of the engagment story, and rest assured, it was worth the wait. So, take a few moments to refresh your memory if you like, and then grab a cup of hot chocolate and a warm blanket and enjoy our engagement story from the other side.

Here’s the link.

I happened upon an MSN article entitled “How I knew it was love” earlier today. It’s the stories of 5 people and how they went from “Yeah, he/she’s great” to “This is it!” I rarely read MSN articles, but this one started me thinking about the moment I knew I loved Darren. As I said before, the process of us getting together was a long one, filled with bumps and bruises. But also good moments.

Having known each other since winter 2003, we ‘got together’ in February, 2005. This particular excerpt of our story comes from this past June.

I got what was probably the worst sunburn of my life that day. Of course I didn’t realize it. I knew I was burnt on the way home when I started to get pinker, but I didn’t grasp the depth of the red until I had gotten back to the Conley house, walked in the door and heard the gasps. I was burnt…badly.

Even then I mustn’t have fully understood what I had done to my body because Darren and I went out that evening to see his friend’s comedy show. When it was over, we stood around for a few minutes, talking with some friends of his until I persuaded Darren that I couldn’t stand there much longer. So we started walking toward his car, about 5 minutes away, on foot. We were discussing where we should go to grab a bite to eat when I started to feel really weak and dizzy. I passed out and he caught me right in front of a Mediterranean restaurant. He dragged me inside where the staff gave me some water and helped cool me down. Once I was ok to walk, we made it to the car and then to his house.

Darren brought me straight to bed and asked if he could read to me. So he started “The Magician’s Nephew.” I don’t remember a word he read, but I do remember thinking for the first time that I really loved him.

Perhaps it was the heat exhaustion blurring my senses, but when he kissed my hand and was closing the door behind him, I thanked him genuinely for taking care of me and started to cry happy tears. Call it delirium, if you will, but I call it love.

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Less than a month ago I experienced something very similar. It was an evening filled with me battling my form of depression (it presents itself as a combination of anxiety and apathy/refusal to deal with life). I was a mess: freaking out about all the stress I was under, feeling hopeless to do anything about it, lacking any motivation to try to do aleviate the stress-causing situations - a typical sob fest.

Darren forced me to talk through it from the other end of the phone connection. I do mean forced…it takes a lot of coaxing to get me started on the process to normalcy (I’m working on that) and it’s a highly frustrating exercise for Darren. Again, I have no idea what we talked about, but I remember clearly the words “I love you - the good parts and the frustrating parts.”

For the first time I think I began to understand God’s love. Darren knows a lot of my faults and still loves me. That’s amazing. But God knows all my faults (past, present and future) and still loves me. I’d never been able to believe that someone could love me if they knew what I was really like and thus, never been able to believe that God truly loved me.

It was a fabulous day.

Here’s a helpful piece of advice: don’t set a wedding date until you’ve made sure that your future in-laws will be in the country. I know it sounds basic, but you never know!

Even before we were engaged, Darren and I discussed a timeline for our wedding. It’s important because both of our jobs continue right through the summer (hypothetically speaking - I have to wait to see if my contract will be renewed, but that’s a minor detail.) I’m a teacher so I can’t just take off a couple of weeks in the middle of a term to get married, and our breaks between terms are never longer than a few days, except for Christmas but getting married in December was out of the question - too soon! So my boss was one of the first people to know that I was planning to get married since we had to discuss the possibility of working half a term.

All that is to say, we decided on early June. Hot weather and I don’t get along so well - mostly due to my inability to sweat sufficiently. While you may think that is a blessing, it actually leads to overheating and puffing…kind of like the blueberry girl in Willy Wonka, but red. Anyway, it was important to avoid the true summer. Early June seemed perfect - I could have a month off work before and after the wedding, it’s still cool-ish out and yet sleeveless or strapless is appropriate, and it’s not the most popular time to have a wedding so hopefully there would be greater availability when it came to renting halls and churches. Incidently, this shows how naive we really are. Some simple research would have shown us:

June and August are the most popular months to get married, followed closely by May, September and October. The fewest weddings occur in January and March. These months may prove to be a good time to get the best prices. [emphasis mine]Source: BRIDE’S Magazine Reader Study 2001

Sigh.

It’s amazing how a semi-major event like getting engaged, or now that I think of it, breaking your arm, deciding to move to another city, etc., demonstrate a societal phenomenon: I like to call it dittoation. I’m finding there is almost a prescribed set of questions that everyone asks when they find out that I’m getting married. These include “So, when’s the date?” and “How did he ask you?” It’s logical; what else could one ask in this situation? Perhaps we need more variety in our language. Ahem…the point is, we had been telling everyone that we had chosen June 3, 2006 for “the big day.” We didn’t mean to lie to anyone. Really! I truly believed I was giving accurate information. But that all changed this past weekend.

We hadn’t seen Darren’s parents since returning from Edmonton, so it was arranged that we would visit Friday night . It was a lovely visit, complete with nice conversation, delicious food and a surprising revelation: the Mediterranean cruise we knew they were taking place them in Europe on our wedding day…they think. We can’t get verification, mind you, until someone comes back from somewhere with something…it’s all so confusing to me (and I’m a Morris!)

To make a long story short, we decided that June 3 simply wouldn’t do so out came the calendar and a new date was set…TENTATIVELY! I’ve learned my lesson! We’re now looking at May 20th…maybe. I’m about to become educated in booking venues and how much time in advance one really should do such things. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Postscript: To be honest, I think it’s fabulous that Darren’s folks can have a vacation to recover from the wedding. I wish I were going on a Mediterranean cruise. (hint, hint!!)