The Wedding Blog

In a few days it will have been 3 months since I’ve posted on this, the wedding blog. It’s not that nothing has happened in terms of the wedding lately - in fact, the big day has come and gone already! It’s really that things kept happening without me stopping to write about them. Then the next thing I know, it’s the week before the big event and there is not time to sit in front of a computer and just type. So let’s see how many details I can fill in now == post-marriage == for posterity.

By far the most productive and stress-relieveing time in the entire wedding-planning process took place over the Easter weekend. Leona and I spent the weekend in Hamilton, celebrating the resurrection of our Lord and getting a ton of wedding-related stuff accomplished.

What kinds of things, you ask? Well, my dress had just recently arrived in Ontario so we found a seamstress and had the first fitting, we figured out what to do for a headpiece and jewlery for me and purchased them, hair and appointments were arranged for myself and the girls, and oh what a burden was lifted off of me that day! I had been stressing out about the arrival of the dress, purchased in Edmonton, as well as where to get our hair done and how to style it. I think what I really needed was someone to walk through these things with me, and Leona’s visit provided that for me.

So, how does Darren fit in? As Leona alluded to in her blog, Darren was a knight in shining armour on that Saturday. Since neither of us knew our way around the city, we relied on him to be our chauffeur. Leona, being a master organizer, had created a list of things we had hoped to get done, and one by one Darren took us to the appropriate location in which to do them. He went with book in hand and patiently waited for us in each location, each time getting further in his reading. I think the sales ladies at The Propper Topper were surprised to see a man walk into their shop, but he just found himself a place to sit and kept to himself. At one point, the girls who were trying on bridesmaid dresses and discussing which type of bra would be appropriate to wear with each remembered he was sitting within earshot and quietly said, “Just keep reading.” I think Darren left there feeling priviledged to have been given a glimpse into the world of female conversation. (If only he knew how rarely we have such conversation.)

All in all, I learned a few very important things that day:

It pays to have bridesmaids! Leona’s presence and help was so wonderful. I accomplished more in a single day with her than in a week alone, probably because of the pressure of limited time with her assistance. Regardless of the reason, it was amazing.

Productivity lends itself to relaxation. I didn’t realize how much stress I had been feeling about some of the details of the wedding until I had taken care of them and felt the relief and release it brought. When I got back to work on Monday (no, I don’t have Easter Monday off), I remember commenting to a colleague with a smile on my face how I felt so good about the wedding and the way the planning was going. It had been a while since I had been excited about this event. Don’t get me wrong - it wasn’t that I didn’t want to get married, but the weight of the planning had been getting me down. Accomplishing these (seemingly straight forward) tasks lightened my load to the point that my excitement could shine through again.

One of my love languages must be acts of kindness because I don’t think I’ve ever felt so loved by Darren as when I looked out the window at the bridal shop and saw him patiently minding his own business, waiting for the signal to take us to the next place. He was astonished by how easy it was to make me so happy. He said, “All I had to do is read my book and she went crazy!” There’s a little more to it than that, but ’tis true.

I’ve now come to the realization that a lot of things in life are expensive, but they’re worth it.

Darren and I finally sat down and wrote out exactly how much (estimating where necessary) this wedding was going to cost. We have geen doing our best to be as frugal as possible, cutting out things that are unnecessary while maintaining the elegance and ambience that we want in our wedding.

So we added up the cost of the reception, ceremony, attire, entertainment, flowers, aesthetics, transportation, photography, honeymoon … everything we could think of. When we totaled it all up, we were astounded by how expensive this event had gotten.

Darren’s mom’s reaction, after seeing the itemized list and the total was, “That’s a cheap wedding.” I felt 2 things at that moment. The first was, “Wow! I guess we did do a good job of keeping it reasonable”, followed quickly by, “But if this is cheap, what are other people paying???”

Through the entire wedding planning process I have tried to keep things in a somewhat long-term perspective. By that I mean, I’m willing to pay a little more for things that we will remember in the long term. But it didn’t always work out that way. Our photos, for example, I think are very important in terms of longevity, but we’ve hired a reasonably-priced but good amateur photographer. My wedding dress, on the other hand, which I will likely never wear again except for the pure fun of dressing up at home on occasion, costs more than a month’s rent (and that wasn’t even an extravagently expensive one).

The usual response when I talk about how expensive a wedding becomes is “You only get married once.” Well, the other day Darren’s dad went one step further. After telling us how much he’d like to contribute to the cost of our wedding he said “Now, I’m only paying for this once. In fact, let’s say this is a loan. You never need to pay it back as long as you’re together.”

After looking over the wedding expense list again, I’d say that would be one expensive divorce.

Had I written this post last week, it would have been a rant. Today it’s a grateful, reflective piece.

The story begins last Monday. I finished work, went home to pick up my laptop, and headed to Hamilton where I met Darren and together we hurried downtown to meet with the Event Coordinator at the hotel at which we had finally decided to hold our reception.

This was a huge decision because we first had to gather information from the various potential locations. This involved checking information online, setting up appointments, visiting halls, corresponding with booking personnell…in short, a lot of legwork. Once the information was gathered, it had to be compared. The comparison part was just as difficult because many had hidden costs and others were extremely vague in their descriptions and pricing. In the end, we must have visited 8 or 9 halls and emailed/called at least 10 others. So you can imagine our relief and excitement when we were finally able to give an answer to people who asked “So, where is the reception?”

Anyway, we got to the hotel, parked and went to the front desk. As we waited for “Paul” to meet us, I was reviewing the things we had to discuss (menu substitutions, centerpieces, I forget what else–that’s why I was reviewing it!) and Darren was practicing his Italian.

When he came down to the lobby where we were waiting, the interaction went something like this:

D: Paul? I’m Darren. This is Larissa.
P: Hi Darren. Larissa. Did you bring your quote with you?
L: Actually we forgot it.
P: That’s ok. I’ve got it upstairs. Oh, first of all, did you park underneath?
D: Yeah.
–Paul gets parking pass–
P: OK, let’s take the stairs to my office. Now, you’re still looking for May 19, 2007, right?
–Larissa halts–
L: No…2006.
P: Oh…

Some date checking happened next, followed by a whole lot of apologizing and finally some suggestions for other locations that might still have space available for a reception 3 1/2 months away.

Needless to say, we left there very discouraged and disappointed…not to mention a little perturbed. When we checked the quote that had been sent to us, we found that it was indeed for May 19, 2006 but somehow we got penciled in the official book 12 months later. It was frustrating to say the least.

We went directly to two of the places Paul suggested (the Art Gallery of Hamilton - AGH - and the Royal Botanical Gardens - RBG - ), neither of which had people who could help us because, as I then remembered from my catering days, since events usually take place on the weekends, Mondays are like Saturdays in that industry.

But now we were more determined to get this settled. That is, after I got over feeling discouraged. For a full day and a half if anyone asked how wedding plans were going (a favourite topic of conversation these days) I would either begin moping or ranting…neither of which is a very pretty sight.

But Darren was instrumental in getting emails sent and phone calls made and the next thing I know, I get a message from that incredible man saying the woman from the AGH can meet with us at such-and-such a time but since you’re [that’s me] in class I’ll just go alone and tell you about it when you get home.

When I talked to Darren that evening he told me all about the fabulous pavilion that is so simple and elegant and wouldn’t really need decorations. He said the woman he dealt with was so nice and …I can’t even remember all the stuff he said, but it was all positive. He ended by saying that he left thinking, “This is where we’re going to have our reception.”

Now to find out about the cost.

We received a proposed menu and estimate cost the next day. It was out of our price range, but after meeting with the AGH staff again, we’ve found some ways to make it match better. Both sets of parents saw the room and agreed that it is wonderful. My mom’s exact words were, “It’s so you.”

We are so excited to be able to celebrate our marriage in such a lovely location. And to think that if it weren’t for Paul’s booking antics, we’d have settled for a hotel much like any other. We’re two thankful people today.

Post Script: Friday I got a message from Paul saying that there was a cancellation and we could have may 19, 2006 if we were still interested. Apparently he hasn’t seen the newly renovated Art Gallery of Hamilton!!

I’m excited about having a wedding…finally!

In the previous post you learned of how I began the journey from “I want to forget all this wedding nonsense” to “Oh yeah, this is all about celebrating US.” Well, today I am pleased to announce that I’ve made it to “I really want to have a wedding and I’m excited to plan it and can’t wait for it to come!” That’s a big change and it only happened yesterday. Let me explain.

Wednesday has always been the day when Darren and I get together; either he comes to St. Catharines or I go to Hamilton, but usually the former. However, since the Great Reception Hall Quest began, we’ve been making arrangements to visit potential halls on Wednesday nights (and Saturdays…pretty much anytime I could be in the city). So I rushed home from the ESL graduation ceremony to head to Hamilton to visit a couple of locations. The second was so scary that we didn’t even talk to anyone. The first was the same as everything else we’d seen up to that point except the guy was much friendlier and funnier than anyone else.

That experience convinced me that we had to take drastic measures. The timing was good…2 things had happened that day that started me reconsidering the whole wedding reception thing.

First, the valedictorian for the level 5 class (I am one of their 3 teachers) included in his speech that I was newly engaged and said he hoped he could come to the wedding “if there is an extra chair for [him].” My thought was that it’s not the chair, it’s the plate…but I just smiled.

Second, I was speaking with a coworker immediately after the ceremony - my usual complaint about halls and prices and dinners… if you’ve gotten married in the last little while, you’ll know what I’m talking about. She told me that she and her husband got married alone on a beach in the Bahamas, followed by an informal reception back in Canada. It sounded so fabulous! That started a thought process that continued as I drove to Hamilton.

For a few days Darren and I had been reconsidering the entire dance thing, thinking that we had removed from the list many of the people who would really enjoy that part of the evening. At $40. a plate (and that’s without alcohol!), we had had to reduce the list to only those who were either related to us or very, very good friends. Our families aren’t big partiers and a dance is not really fun if there are only 10 people participating. So we were thinking of alternate ways to spend the evening. But since there are few things to do in such an atmosphere but dance, we were stuck.

So I started thinking about what was important to me. I want to enjoy the evening with all the people I care about. I want to take some nice pictures with my family and bridal party. I want to have a nice ceremony in a church. But not necessarily in that order.

Here’s the solution I came up with: We push the wedding up to early evening. It’s a Friday night so people can finish their work days, grab some dinner and then come to the ceremony. It would be followed immediately (allowing half an hour for travel) by the reception and party! This reception would have an hors d’oeurves-type buffet, wedding cake, etc. but no formal dinner. That allows us to invite whomever we want (almost). In the afternoon when the weather is nice we can take our pictures and then the immediate family, bridal party and select guests (very, very select) can have a quiet dinner in a restaurant somewhere. It would look something like this:

2:00 photos
5:00 intimate dinner
7:30 ceremony
9:00 reception/party

It’s a little non-traditional, but it meets all the requirements and desires we have. It’s perfect! Now, to convince my boy.

As I said earlier, we had these appointments to see a couple of banquet halls that evening. In truth, I went only because they had been made. My heart wasn’t in it anymore, but I sure didn’t think Darren would agree to my plan.

I think Darren was frustrated, too. We simply can’t afford a typical wedding unless we reduce our guest list to the bare minimum. So, I took advantage of the disheartened state we were in and presented my idea over dinner. I was pleasantly surprised when his reaction was “that may work.” Usually I’d be disappointed with a semi-convinced response, but the words “That may work” made me happier than I’d been in weeks!

The more we talked about it, the more feasible and wonderful this arrangement seemed. And the more excited I became. In fact, last night I had a hard time getting to sleep because I was so excited about this wedding. You know what is the most exciting for me? I can now imagine getting a response from friends and rather than thinking “that’s 90 bucks out the window,” I can think “Hooray! They will be joining the party!” That is a complete change of heart.

Of course there are a lot of kinks in the plan to work out still, and we’re going to have to start all over with the hall search (with much different criteria this time) but the difference is that I want to do it now.

So if you get an invitation to a dinnerless reception, please understand that it’s because we want to celebrate with you without thinking about cost. We want to enjoy your company unhindered. Hooray!

You don’t have to be rich to have a wedding, but it sure helps!

It’s all very exciting to say you’re getting married, but it’s quite another thing to begin to plan the actual event. I was fortunate enough to select and order both my dress and the bridesmaid dresses the very day after Darren asked me to marry him, so that’s out of the way. But I’m beginning to think that was the best part and it’s all downhill planning-wise from here.

We’ve had to negotiate a number of things. The first is where to get married. Living in different cities and being unsure of where we will reside after the wedding, this wasn’t a cut-and-dried decision to make. We’re leaning toward the most convenient choice, which is Hamilton, but there are still a lot of factors that could potentially change that verdict.

There has also been much discussion about what type of reception to have. Since we’re looking at having the wedding on a long weekend, we’d prefer not to break up the weekend for our guests. Monday would work except that we don’t want people to have to worry about getting up early for work the next morning, so we’ve pretty much decided on a Friday evening wedding.

So we have been spending what limited time we have in the same city visiting various banquet halls and what limited free time we have at home checking out others on the Internet. All this searching has led me to the aforementioned conclusion: You don’t have to be rich to have a wedding, but it sure helps!

I’d like to think that we don’t have extravagant taste (you’d know that if you saw the basement apartments we each live in), but tasty food in a clean and pretty atmosphere is not negotiable.

We are lucky, though – by choosing a day other than Saturday, we can take advantage of the discounted price for the less-than-prime days that many halls/caterers offer. Even so, it still seems like a lot of money for a party.

I was almost at the point of deciding that it wasn’t worth it and that we should elope. I knew I’d come to this point, but I thought it would be much, much further into the process. However, an incredible thing happened this evening. As I was reading the package details from one of the halls’ websites, it all of a sudden hit me: I’m getting married. That girl in the big fancy dress dancing…that’s me! That room for the bride and groom to relax in while they wait for their guests to arrive…that’s for Darren and me!

It was some much-needed perspective. I had been thinking so much about the logistics of our life post-wedding (Where are we going to live? What are we going to do? Will we keep our jobs? etc.) that I’d forgotten to revel in the fact that I’ve found “him,” the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. Now that deserves a party!

While I’m still not willing to break the bank over this single event, I’ve decided to be more optimistic about finding the perfect place and enjoy each step along the way. After all, I’m only going to have to do this once!

Here’s a helpful piece of advice: don’t set a wedding date until you’ve made sure that your future in-laws will be in the country. I know it sounds basic, but you never know!

Even before we were engaged, Darren and I discussed a timeline for our wedding. It’s important because both of our jobs continue right through the summer (hypothetically speaking - I have to wait to see if my contract will be renewed, but that’s a minor detail.) I’m a teacher so I can’t just take off a couple of weeks in the middle of a term to get married, and our breaks between terms are never longer than a few days, except for Christmas but getting married in December was out of the question - too soon! So my boss was one of the first people to know that I was planning to get married since we had to discuss the possibility of working half a term.

All that is to say, we decided on early June. Hot weather and I don’t get along so well - mostly due to my inability to sweat sufficiently. While you may think that is a blessing, it actually leads to overheating and puffing…kind of like the blueberry girl in Willy Wonka, but red. Anyway, it was important to avoid the true summer. Early June seemed perfect - I could have a month off work before and after the wedding, it’s still cool-ish out and yet sleeveless or strapless is appropriate, and it’s not the most popular time to have a wedding so hopefully there would be greater availability when it came to renting halls and churches. Incidently, this shows how naive we really are. Some simple research would have shown us:

June and August are the most popular months to get married, followed closely by May, September and October. The fewest weddings occur in January and March. These months may prove to be a good time to get the best prices. [emphasis mine]Source: BRIDE’S Magazine Reader Study 2001

Sigh.

It’s amazing how a semi-major event like getting engaged, or now that I think of it, breaking your arm, deciding to move to another city, etc., demonstrate a societal phenomenon: I like to call it dittoation. I’m finding there is almost a prescribed set of questions that everyone asks when they find out that I’m getting married. These include “So, when’s the date?” and “How did he ask you?” It’s logical; what else could one ask in this situation? Perhaps we need more variety in our language. Ahem…the point is, we had been telling everyone that we had chosen June 3, 2006 for “the big day.” We didn’t mean to lie to anyone. Really! I truly believed I was giving accurate information. But that all changed this past weekend.

We hadn’t seen Darren’s parents since returning from Edmonton, so it was arranged that we would visit Friday night . It was a lovely visit, complete with nice conversation, delicious food and a surprising revelation: the Mediterranean cruise we knew they were taking place them in Europe on our wedding day…they think. We can’t get verification, mind you, until someone comes back from somewhere with something…it’s all so confusing to me (and I’m a Morris!)

To make a long story short, we decided that June 3 simply wouldn’t do so out came the calendar and a new date was set…TENTATIVELY! I’ve learned my lesson! We’re now looking at May 20th…maybe. I’m about to become educated in booking venues and how much time in advance one really should do such things. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Postscript: To be honest, I think it’s fabulous that Darren’s folks can have a vacation to recover from the wedding. I wish I were going on a Mediterranean cruise. (hint, hint!!)